Funny Instructions

These are hillarious!

On Sears hairdryer:Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos:You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap:Directions: Use like regular soap.
On some Swann frozen dinners:Serving suggestion: Defrost.
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)Do not turn upside down.
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:Product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:Do not iron clothes on body.
On Nytol sleep aid:Warning: may cause drowsiness.
On a Korean kitchen knife:Warning: keep out of children.
On a string of Christmas lights:For indoor or outdoor use only.
On a food processor:Not to be used for the other use
On Sainsbury's peanuts:Warning: contains nuts.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:Instructions: open packet, eat nuts
On a Swedish chainsaw:Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
On a child's Superman costume:Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly
On a Swedish chain saw:Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
On a toboggan:Beware: Sled may develop high speed under certain snow conditions.
On a knife sharpener:Caution: knives are sharp.
On shin pads for cyclists:Shin guards cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.
On a take away coffee cup:Caution: Hot beverages are hot.
Emergency safety procedures at a US summer camp:In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood proceed uphill quickly.
In a microwave oven manual:Do not use for drying pets.
On the back of a pilot's seat in a Nato aircraft:Seat must be facing forward for take-off and landing.
On the bottom of a cola bottle:Do not open here.
On a Harry Potter wizards broom:This broom does not actually fly.
On a box of aspirin:Do not take if allergic to aspirin.
On a bottle of laundry detergent:Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.
On a muffin packet:Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.
In a kettle instruction manual:The appliance is switched on by setting the 'ON/OFF' button to the 'ON' position.
On a ketchup bottle:Instructions: Put on food.
On a bottle of rum:Open bottle before drinking.
A car park sign:Entrance only. Do not enter.
A sign in a street in Hong Kong:Beware of people.
Rules on a tram in Prague:Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be persecuted.
On a can of air freshener:For use by trained personnel only.
On a bottle of baby lotion:Keep away from children.
On a pair of socks bought in egypt:Do not wash.
On a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle:Some assembly required.
On a can of pepper spray used for self defense:May irritate eyes.
On a Frisbee:Warning: may contain small parts.
In a car handbook:In order to get out of car, open door, get out lock doors, and then close doors.
On a packet of cashew nut pieces:Warning: This product may contain residue of nuts.
Directions for mosquito repellant:Replacing battery: replace old battery with a new one.
On a birthday card for a one year old:Not suitable for children aged under 36 months or less.
In a hotel bedroom:Please do not turn on TV except when in use.
In a lift in a Japanese hotel:Push this button in case anything happens.
On a toilet cleaning brush:Do not use orally.
On a can of Spray paint:Do not spray in your face.
On a TV remote:Not Dishwasher safe.
On a blowtorch:Not used for drying hair.
On a washing machine inn a launderette:No small children.
On a bottle of hair dye:Do not use as Ice Cream topping.
On a push along lawn mower:Not to be used as a hedge trimmer.
On a box of fireworks:Do not put in mouth.
On the packaging for a wrist watch:Warning this is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.
In a dishwasher manual:Do not allow children to play in dishwasher.
On a toaster:Do not use underwater.
On a mattress:Do not attempt to swallow